By JAMES MELVILLE Hey kids, guess what? It’s about October, and we all know what that means. For the next month, I’ll be reviewing movies that are spooky. I hope you’ve all started thinking about your Halloween costumes. Mine actually came to me in a dream while I was in London. That means it’s fate. [...]
By JAMES MELVILLE Drive (2011): The Plot: Hollywood stunt driver by day, criminal wheelman by night, a quiet man known only as Driver (Ryan Gosling) befriends his neighbor Irene (Carey Mulligan) and her young son Benicio (Kaden Leos). Things get complicated when Irene’s husband Standard (Oscar Isaac) returns from prison, owing protection money to some [...]
By JAMES MELVILLE “You don’t butt in line! You don’t sell drugs! You don’t molest little children! You don’t profit off the misery of others! The rules were set a long time ago! They don’t change!” -Crimson Bolt, Super Super (2010): The Plot: Frank (Rainn Wilson) is a diner cook who’s been picked on all [...]
By James Melville My goodness, two weeks in and I’m actually still reviewing movies in theaters. As my twelve die-hard fans will know, that’s freaking amazing. Don’t get used to it. Also, holla to my boy Hans Gruber. Anyway, on with the show. Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (2011): The Plot: Eight-year-old Sally [...]
By James Melville Well, summer’s pretty much over. Now we can get into cold weather and dead leaves, which are just a few of my favorite things. Along with kittens and whatever the hell else my target audience thinks is cute. See? I’m just like you. Speaking of things we have in common, I bet [...]
I’d make some comment about the weather at St. Lawrence, but that’s totally not where I am right now. That’s right: I’m randomly travelling through time as a result of SCIENCE GONE WRONG. Right now, I’m writing from THE FUTURE. Is it amazing? Why, yes, it certainly is. They have jetpacks, and everybody flies around [...]
Now, I’ve been noticing a lot these days that religion is going out of fashion. Christmas, like most other holidays, is becoming more and more about buying stuff that you don’t need. I’m all for presents, but only if they actually mean something. Notice how December 25th isn’t called “Presents Day?” That’s because it’s about [...]
Break is over. I’m sure that even the least observant of you have figured that out by now, so there really wasn’t much point in my saying it. However, I do enjoy stating the obvious every now and then. Phrases like “hey, its Tuesday, that means that tomorrow is Wednesday” and “oh, it seems to [...]
As some of you may remember, last week I claimed this land for Spain and declared November to be “Film Noir Month.” Well, just ignore that second one. I was lying. Or I changed my mind. I haven’t decided which yet. But I have decided that this week, possibly even in honor of it being [...]
